If You Can't Think, Don't Bother.

The only reason I get a double post is because of the “Make a mess, clean it up” policy. Yeah, this one’s on me ._.

I’m in serious need of some right now.
Like.
I’m in serious need. I don’t need some certain…emotion, thought process, justification, feeling. That’s already there. What I’m lacking are the correct mix-matching of all of those to coherent sentences, so that they make sense to anyone and everyone other than me.
._.
I can’t breathe. I think I’m going to throw up.
Was that castle made out of sand? If so, did I just just dump a lot of water on it?
Wait.
No. Nononono. This isn’t right. It adds up, on one level, but there’s just one, significant but invisible detail that’s been missed.
>< If only that butterfly could’ve landed on another leaf. Maybe that tornado wouldn’t have hit at all.

Ver -fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckshitfuckfuckfuckfuckshittttttttttttt.

LOL. GOD, YOU SO FUNNY. ._.

It’s a warm day in Ikebukuro, Japan. It’s getting darker, and the city’s bright lights are turning on, eager to start the ever-entrancing night life, but these things don’t impede on the bouncy air of the city’s square. In the square sat a man, chinese straw hat on head and only an open sweatshirt and jeans to brace the temperature, amusingly playing a small guitar. No,

a baritone ukulele beyond repair, although many have attempted. However small it was, the music resounds across several feet from where it originated, supporting the spring atmosphere itself. But it was getting dark, and he noticed. He picked up his guitar case, some decent amount of cash and coin inside, and began to walk home.

Home was a small flat in a crowded-but-not-overcrowded flat on the second floor not too far away from the park. 2 bedroom, although only one was ever used, and big enough for two people to cartwheel in but small enough to feel cozy inside. He had just began closing the door when someone stopped it with her foot. He blinked, “Beyond. You’re here!” and although they were still in the hallway, hugged her with an almost questionable ferocity for people who lived together.
“Yes, Andy, I’m home. Although why that’s surprising every time, is quite beyond me…”
Andy smiled at her, bouncing in place, “Wellll, you are early…It’s only…” he pauses to look outside “7:00 or so. Finished an episode deadline at work?”
Beyond practically skips inside before Andy closes the door, and lays on the tatami mat, “Yep. Actually finished the last episode of a season. There’s a small party, tomorrow” she says in a singsong voice, dancing in place.

Andy smiles. “Well, that’ll be fun.” he says, looking in the freezer for salmon he’d bought on the way home with a bit of the earned money.

Omg. So unfinished. Asdfjkl;. Whateves. Post for now, continue to edit later.
Ver - Because dreaming should never be wrong. P.S. Note to self: Thought.

An extremely old poem written by who knows who.

It all depends on the time and timing
If it be throwing nail bombs and shooting
With stolen shotguns and rifles appealing
To the young soldiers of Kegalle who are seeing
Smoke. And their war-friends dying
The 15 year old boy starts crying
Because his partner and best friend is grounded, lying
And won’t get up. His friends life is flashing
He’s laying on the ground, the playground
His company’s laughter the only sound
Flash
Asking for air rifles out in front of the place
Playing cricket in the afternoon, with just enough space
The sunset that day, as the game concluded
The citrus skies after the conflict was feuded
Flash
The smell of gunpowder and metal
The screams and runs of people unsettled
By the rebellion of these hellions
A sigh. A loud, high pitched silence
A last thought: Why was I a part of such violence?
A dim sun. Not dim, dimming to gray. Brown. Black.

What.
Where am I.
When am I.
Oh.

oh. I see.

Well, some things have gotten better, and some things have gotten worse since I’ve been gone, it seems. No complaints, anyways.

*rolls up sleeves* Wellllp.

To work.

Kuro: “I’m not sure where I was. But it sure feels great to be back.”

I think anyone else would’ve just broken down. It’s less “unlucky” and more “unfortunate”. The motivation used for getting through the week
gone.
Just like that.
There’s a lot of lamenting to be done. A lot of “I wish”s and “If only”s.
But I won’t be doing it. The one person who needs to know those knows, and do pursue that train of thought would only be a waste of time. No, No.

Show me the horizon.

Serenito, after a divine slap to the face, doesn’t turn his head.

People don’t have enough of it.
That and love. But I believe Hope comes first. It’s one of those incomprehensible things, intangible and difficult to grasp, but something that persists in the hearts and souls of those who keep moving forward in their life. Towards their goals, Dreams, wishes. It’s not motivation, or even self-confidence that keeps them going, but Hope.

Today is a testament to not sinking into despair. Inhalexhale.

And then life goes on.

Shiro: “It’s time to wake up.”

Up until recently, this has been a subject of debate, internally, for the longest time. On paper, disregarding all of the legal benefits, it didn’t make any sense. Why would one need to “marry” another person just to confirm that they want to be together? For those confirmations, to who? Ensuring themselves, so they’re not insecure? Ensuring society and their families, so both would give an approved nod? Why couldn’t one person just “be” with another person without having to go through the strenuous, overrated, and overused process of marriage?
Up until recently, I had no answer. Marriage seemed about as useful as the concept of “Happily Ever After.” You know, Cinderella and all that. Actually, I believe that that movie specifically, not to mention the Little Mermaid, is at fault for putting the idea of “happily ever after” into the minds of children, girls mostly, and eventually grown woman. Never mind the idea of “Prince Charming”, no, that’s a whole nother argument, but the thought of being with one person, forever, and having no hitches in that desired perfect relationship. Hasn’t anyone ever noticed that it doesn’t show how those two people get along after that movie is over?
But I digress.
More importantly, Disney isn’t the only reason people are expected to get married today. It’s just a societal norm, at this point. If you weren’t married by the age of 30-something, you were considered to be alone and not a model person of society. Society begins to look down on you and your “imperfection”, and this jolts many people into rushing, or even just downright beginning relationships in order to be married at the “end”. This, interestingly enough, is the reason that there are so many divorces (50%?) nowadays.
Because marriage is now something looked at as loose, and temporary. Something that you have because you’re “supposed to”, or because it’s “easier for the children”. People stop getting married for the reason of “we’re in love” and more for the reason of “we’re 25”, and even with the people who are “in love” end up separating because of disinterest in their relationship, boredom, strain, etc. etc. etc. The social decline is so bad, soon it’ll be more common to be separated than it is to stay together.
The above reasons are why I thought (Thought.) marriage to be pointless.
HOWEVER.

“Marriage is not a love affair. A love affair is a totally different thing. A marriage is a commitment to that which you are. That person is literally your other half. And you and the other are one. A love affair isn’t that. That is a relationship of pleasure, and when it gets to be unpleasurable , it’s off. But a marriage is a life commitment, and a life commitment means the prime concern of your life. If marriage is not the prime concern, you are not married.” - Joseph Campbell.

I recently read an article, rather a conversation including the above person and another person, and talked with a certain someone (You know who you are. Hey :D) about the subject, that’s changed my belief on marriage as a whole. I first had to get past the fact that just because a large group of people treat something someway (People treating marriage as a joke.), doesn’t mean I have to accept it as that way. I think marriage is this:

Marriage, in my opinion, has almost nothing to do with love. Love, romance, is simple. It has varying degrees and strengths, and can honestly be found almost anywhere if one is looking hard enough. No, marriage has to do with souls. It has to do with finding someone that you’re so compatible with, that you are so in tune with, that you can easily, easily imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with that person, and be happy. Love is finding a soul that is similar to yours, whereas marriage should be finding a soul that is yours. Just like another part of you. The ceremony, the ring, the engagement, the festival, even, is a testament to two people becoming different parts of one person, if not simply becoming one person, symbolic to something that should already be there, not made up by the marriage itself.
Obviously, this message of marriage has been lost. If the connections between all marriages were so great, people wouldn’t ever divorce.

So I’m not against marriage. I’m against marriage for the wrong reasons, and I’m against marriage for the simple reason of “love”. There are better, more important things to be looking for when spending lives together, and I think too many people have forgotten that.

Energito, in self promise.

Honestly, it’s never helped anyone in the history of forever, other than in the case of trying to break horrible news or be honest without hurting feelings.
Other than that, it’s just a freaking waste of time. The word “Truth.” Exists for a goddamn reason, and if I have to be as blunt as the pickaxe that was used to kill “Nearly Headless Nick”, then I’ll fucking do it if that’s what has to be done for me to breathe in my sleep again.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

Energito - “Did I Fucking Stutter?”

This is about as ironic as it gets. (It’s kinda like a grandfather clock. You know, those really old ones that have that swinging metal, sometimes gold, thing that makes a small clicking noise every time a second passes? Either click are the two sides, and it’s just fast enough to keep you on your toes, but just slow enough to frustrate you and make you realize how much time is being wasted Second. By. Second. I’ve always asked for emotional consistency, as hypocritical as that may sound, but…)
Only now do I realize the full bitterness of that quote. Every corner and node of it. Because at the time, and now, even, it’s not like it was my fault, per se.
People simply have unbreakable limits and individual motivations.
Priorities. And this is less a realization, and more a rererealization, turned up to 11, because now it’s not me hearing about someone else being disgruntled because they weren’t a priority. Nonono.

Now it’s me.
…

*twists hair*
Ah well. The more you know. Now what to do about it….
It should be stated that the above writing is less a complaint (That would be stupid. On so many levels.) and more pointing out something that killed me a little yet still made me burst out laughing (ohhh, how I thank the humorous part of me. Otherwise, I’d be a very dull boy XD). And also…an “It’s ok.” Kind of thing.

Not that I have any right to say that. ._. At all.
What’s that other thing I wanted to say…
Ehn. I’m sure it’ll come to me later.

Síjto: Because picking things apart piece by piece and comparing them to other things is what I do.

Because I believe in the solution, not the problem. In balance, reciprocity, and cause/effect.
In the millions, billions, trillions of opportunities that every single human being (if not every single being) holds for every second of their life, and that in those trillions, the right thought process, the right beliefs, the right words, the right actions, and Goddamnit the right feelings will achieve a desired result for all. That there is truly a “best possible result” for every situation, and I hold the determination to find it.

If you’re wondering, that’s why I’m still here. Not because I believe in you, or even because I believe in myself. Because I believe in life working out. Because I believe in equilibrium.

-Serenito, getting better, all the time.

In my world, I’m never still. There’s always wind in my face, never fighting against it but working with it to breach air itself. I’m always running, through trees, over forgotten skyscrapers, through people, towards people, against odds and on fate. It leaves me breathless, but is continues, it brings me joy, and reminds me I’m alive. In my world, to run is to live.
I look up from the ground. When I start, I’m always looking at the ground first, to make sure I’m moving, to see the greenwhite light up on my feet, to see the wind welcome me.

The clouds are moving. They’re puffy-white, dream-like in nature, wistful and basking in the same nonchalant bliss that’s found while traveling the world. They fill the sky, but politely make room for half of the sun, sun that soothes the skin and relives it of it’s freshness from the cold and quiet moon from behind me. I’m racing them, but most of all I’m racing myself, reaching towards that point where all is well and life has no meaning while the psyche starts flying and the body is nonexistent. I push beyond that point before slowing down, never reminding myself to breathe because air simply circles itself in my lungs without having being told to, and the transcendence wears off and the world sets in.
I’m back.
I can face anything.
What else is there?

Shiro.

When I woke up, I wasn’t surprised.
Breathless, yes. Although the situation(Just talking. Like the last day of school.), the place(A park, somewhere. Autumn leaves, small steps, not very well populated, serenely quiet.), and the timing(Sunset. Is it time to go home?) were all very…normal, not anything to freak out about, something that even if it were to happen in real life(Dare to dream.) hopefully I wouldn’t freak out as badly as I did when I woke up (Fat chance).
Even in dream, I could see it. Spark still there, (ah, here comes the reveal) bright-as-the-sun blue eyes simultaneously reaching for something and resisting it.
That expression, as much as I’ve succeeded in blocking it out of my thoughts for the past few months, came to haunt me (ONCEFUCKINGAGAIN) in my dreams, where even your subconscious won’t give you a fair trial.
Exhale.
Ah, well. Still crawled out of bed that morning. Still had a good day that day. Still feel the inextinguishable pit that will forever be within me, right now, but luckily…..My subconscious doesn’t dictate my happiness.

I do.

FREE Shiro. Because it was only a little while ago that I stopped looking out on the horizon while imagining you next to me.

“For the good of all of us…

Except the ones who are dead.”

Life is awesome. If anything, I think I’m discovering that now.
Not that I didn’t already know. I’m just feeling it in every second of life, now. Despite everything.
“People say that what we are seeking is a meaning of life. I don’t think this is what we’re really seeking. I think what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive. That’s what it’s all finally about.” - Joseph Campbell.
I agree with this wholeheartedly. The meaning of the universe?
Nothing. It’s all statistical chance coincidence, you, me, our existence, earth being able to sustain life, all of it. There is no meaning, so stop searching for it.
The meaning of life is what we put to it. Things aren’t important, but what matters is that they’re important to us. That’s what matters.
The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
So I set myself some goals. Most importantly, I think it was “Be happy.”
Let’s see for some more time, but I honestly think I’ve got that covered.
I am happy. I am alive.
And I hope you are too.

Ver, indeed reveling in the impact of his sacrifice.

When you click the link, click the album “Boyhood”, then the song with no title.

My name is Duke  Kuro.
And this will be my last post for a while. I’m leaving. I’d use the more appropriate word, but a few people would freakout, as well as maybe some tumblr people.
Butyeah.
This blog is meant for a lot of things. A chronicle, a place to write down some theories, a place to find the truth, and a place that opens doors, for both other people and myself. So here I chronicle my parting. Few hands reaching towards me in despair, many hands waving in joy, happy to see me go, and many more uncaring hands, going to somebody else’s tumblr.
Goodbye. *Waves back*.

(P.S. Make sure Shiro doesn’t go too insane.)