November 2010
30 posts
(Kuro.) This....is a lot to process. [Petrified... →
A contradiction. Not too long ago, twas normalcy to drown in sorrow and despair, wrecking internal unrest and creating, casting chilled characters. Now I see light. Light from the outside, luminosity resonating from within, reverberating on the boundaries broken of life. It’s almost… A little too jolting. Like either it will all work out at once, or it’ll all break down again,...
over-doze asked: thanks bro
(Kuro.) He feels really uneasy, and I feel bad. →
I suppose it’s hard to get used to succeeding at almost everything you do, and then suddenly not being able to do something. It’s a bit jarring. But I’m (Ironically enough) going to be much more optimistic than that. I feel like the troubles truly clouding my mind day by day are troubles that I’ll get over and pass soon enough, anyway. Usually, that’s what being a...
(Scarlet.) If you ever, ever click a link on my... →
*already working on something*
(Scarlet.) I had a dream about you. →
This is only a semi-decent idea. Recording all dreams is good, but if they all share a simlar subject. (Like those three months in my life. *shudder*)
We were in a store, with one other person, girl with the date oriented memory, but other than that, alone. This song, song in the link, started playing on my Zune really loud, and you could hear it, so for no reason at all, we started dancing....
(Heliotrope.) So Now... →
*scratches head* I honestly have no idea. It’s easy to let whatever “The most important thing” consume you, and your life, but once that’s gone…what’s left? Well, at the very least, I have some books to close, and then I have to work on opening some new ones. It’ll be great.
Ver: I’ll miss you the most, you know.
*Headdesk*
Headdesk. It’s kinda like I’m waiting for words to appear. But they’re not.
(Aqua.) As Tall As Lions Spam.
Be Here Now. Maybe I’m Just Tired.
Is This Tomorrow. We’s Been Waiting.
And last, but definitely not least, Kicking Myself. Even with all of the above, it’s definitely most relevant. *sighs* I never quite understood why Kuro loves this band so much. Now I know ._.
You’ll notice this is my…third? Fourth post in a row? I’ve been out for a while, longer than...
"Would you change yourself, for me?"
Oh, how the tables have turned.
(Aqua.) I really need to write. →
I dare you to listen to this song, reading lyrics as you do so, and tell me that rap doesn’t have a redeemable following.
Apologies to the people who care about my writing (But most of all to myself) because of my grades going down, my dad’s banned me from the computer indefinitely unless in the situation of working/being productive. Right now, I’m supposed to be writing my...
kurokat asked: I never read your posts on a whim. I always have to settle down and get into a certain mood... so I can cherish the writing.
(Tangelo.) And by sheer force of will →
I swallow the incoming depression like I eat it for breakfast and burp out the remains like the champion at some contest, and simply refuse to waste time crying into the sheets of my bed. I’ve got better things to do.
Síjto: 2 out of 6. “Do you know what lies beyond those walls? Immortality. Take it. It’s yours.”
(Tangelo.) Two posts a day keep the deliberations... →
So I walked into psychology class (Cept it was Kuro, but I always pay attention in that class.) And saw the following diagram on the board. Of course, struck by something so extremely relevant to my life, I sought to study it more (And totally ignored the note-taking on meditation. I knew most of it anyway ._. thanks, Serenito.) and stole borrowed the psychology book in order to study the diagram...
(Kuro.) Insomnia. →
Where the only dreams you ever see, Are the nightmares of reality.
(Aqua.) The reason I don't write as much on this... →
If any of you noticed. Doubtful. Is that I got a second one where we all talk at once. Link to it is given per request. It’s very…honest. To more important things.
“The sentence runs through my mind but remains unsaid. It’s up there, it’s true, but it’s unconventional, inconvenient, confusing to the naturalities of common conversation, and so it stays hidden,...
(Meadow.) 30 Minutes to write Something. →
Because I took a nap, and I woke up just now, and my computer turns off at eleven, and it’s 10:30. Me taking a nap for that long is extremely inappropriate. Why? Because I have a lot to do, especially on the computer. Busybusybusy bee. But I took a nap because I felt more comfortable in the silence of the night, while everyone is sleeping, than in the silence of the day, while everyone is...
(Aqua.) Things I'll Laugh/Cry At When I Look At...
Take a trip down memory lane....
...
1: "If I was in love with you, would anything change?"
2: "Hopefully I wouldn't fall for you. that seems extremely messy."
1: "you wouldn't. ."
2: "X_X don't be so sure."
...
1: what..can you say. What is there to say. There's nothing to say, anymore.
1: Just....nothingness. Emptiness. The blank. The hole. The wound. The crack. There are no words for that..."
...
1: School. You went to school today, didn't you?
2: yeah. . .i did.
1: sooooo how was it?
2: school like?
1: ...yeah...?
2: what? why?
1: ...the obvious answer would be "i'm curious, because I wasn't there and i was wondering how things were getting along without me" but the actual answer is "I'm wondering if you were anywhere near as miserable as I have been for the past 24 hours and if you even remember how it went, because I have no idea what I've been doing after I hung up that phone."
...
1: "...Which leads to me reflecting about how many mistakes I've made in my life and how stupid i've been about things to the point where no one can take me seriously anymore and I'd move on, but I don't have any hope in the school that i'm going to because i don't think there's anybody left to find. So I feel alone.
Which is why I'm drowning in sorrow."
...
1: "You always get shot for making mistakes, but you rarely get hugs for not making them.
The lamentation of the imperfect human being trying to be more than he'll ever be."
...
1: "I should forget you...right?"
2: "yeah. You. . . should."
1: "Don't regret saying that."
2: "I will."
1: "*sighs* I know."
2: "Ok."
...
1: HAHA YOUR FACE ISN"T CLOSE ENOUGh
2: AHAHAHHA you's silly
1: :)
It wasn't, though.
2: we're totally *not* discussing this.
...
1: what happened last time?
I told one, but not all?
HOW DID THAT WORK?
IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AT ALL.
(sorry, I'm just thinking like this right now.)
(and I don't feel like putting the effort to unthink it.)
(just kidding, I just did)
Yeah.
How did that work out?
Huh?
Lost a couple of friendships.
Well,
ruined them at best.
Made stupid choices.
Yeah.
I regret them.
So what can I do now?
Try not to do it again.
I guess I'm choosing way two--
Because my reasoning made sense.
Just the way it was carried out. . .
didn't go so well.
And now I get it
I'm still being stupid.
I'm not making the "right" choice (probably)
I'm . . .
I'm just confused.
2: You know
something I realized a while ago....
was that nothing is clear cut.
With every choice you make, there's a reason to make another one. With every decision, every thought, there's another side, another story, another outcome and another way to either make it work or screw it up. Honestly, it'll never be perfect.
...
1: Honestly, I don't know. I'm just...angry. now.
1: I don't feel like running through the grass while butterflies fly past me and into your arms with a double rainbow sprouting in the background although nothings wet.
If you would excuse me.
...
1: It's....
the one legitimate thing I feel self conscious about. The thing that separates, that opens up new revenues of thought and dreams and imaginations, kindness and love, audacity and hope, but so different, so outside of he norm, that people, man itself would reject it just because it's different from everyone else. I don't have a thousand pages because I'm large, I have a thousand pages because I have a lot of chapters.
whats the one thing that I'm afraid of and why?
(Kuro.) Solitude. →
I start turning off all of the lights. … I’m done. My mom’s solemn, remorseful apartment is now completely black except for the glowing of this very computer screen, and the slight reflection made on a mirror. For whatever reason, I’d always enjoyed and felt more comfortable in darkness than anything else. Light didn’t leave enough to the imagination. In darkness,...
(Aqua.) No lamentations. →
Honestly, what a waste of time. It only serves to let the people around you know you’re miserable, guilting the perpetrator, letting some set of people finally say “Serves you right! Hmph.”, and makes people just in general feel sorry for you. Or just annoys them. But I digress, the point is, what does it do for me? After I cry my heart out here, on a journal, in music, in...
(Scarlet.) It's kinda like that one time Luffy... →
Sidenote: “Veteran’s Day reminds me of the atrocities mankind bring on the small and large scale. It reminds me that for every loving person in the world, there are numerous war-monger-ers, selfish and ignorant to the needs of everyone but themselves, or “their country.” It reminds me that in the attempts to spread peace, the images, videos, and realities of war are...
Suddenly, I have a lot to write about.
(Tangelo.) Ignorance is bliss.
Unfortunately (Fortunately/Unfortunately.), I’m not. Upon awakening, the gears started a turning, started looking at maps, figuring out where we are in the wretched unpredictable ocean they call life. The results… Well, they weren’t extremely in our favor. There’s a storm, up ahead, small, specific, but powerful in nature, and it’s time...
Anonymous asked: CONGRATULATIONS, ANON. WHAT DO YOU WANT AN AWARD? WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU. DON'T. GET. ONE.
must suck for you.
must suck for you.
Anonymous asked: YOUR FACE IS AN ANON.
Anonymous asked: Golden horizons, deep blue skies.
We're told to fly, but never look back.
Climb to the top, don't look down.
Watch a falling star, and glow with the sun.
Breathe.
We're told to fly, but never look back.
Climb to the top, don't look down.
Watch a falling star, and glow with the sun.
Breathe.
(Heliotrope.) Today Was Pretty Awesome. →
Because it proved to me that happiness is, to some extent, a perspective thing. Because of getting pulled out of the water yesterday, I was able to smile, and be myself today. There’s something. n_n Now, to get on to fixing everything else…
Ver: Getting better all the time. Living.
(Kuro.) Not. Awake. →
“Everything felt very real: her intense revulsion at Croy’s ugly face, her fear of the specials, the shapes and smells around her. It felt as if a thin plastic film had been peeled from her eyes, leaving the world with razored edges.” - Pretties, page 38. ^Jealous. Falling into and through the words of imaginative fiction novels only serves to remind me where I am in my life and...
“Repression is not the way to virtue. When people restrain themselves out of...”
– Mihály Csíkszentmihályi
(Scarlet.) I MEAN →
Don’t get me wrong. It’s less of a complaint, my-life-sucks, god-please-kill-me-now post and more an simultaneous observation of both the situation, and it’s…cyclical nature. ._. Course, it’s horrible for both people, but it’s more….immediate for one, I suppose. Whatever. It might have to do with the fact that I’m not really putting my best effort...
(Scarlet.) Don't you just fucking hate it when →
your mood, disposition, focus an overall general well being hangs on the interactions with one person in your life, by second, by minute, hour day week etc.?
Cuz I fucking do.
(Meadow.) Some sideline. →
It’s really just an amplified version of my day to day life. Walk into brightly lit hallway, go to locker to get viola out for orchestra, unwillingly take a glance at the persons eyes just beside me. Pain. Hesitation. Worry. Stress. Aggravation. And a limited patience. It leads me to wonder whether that person has a test next hour, or something. But of course, I know better than to ask....
